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My Immortal

 
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Morgan_Shay
Queen of Card Games
Slytherin Member

Joined: Jan 15, 2008
Location: Devil May Cry, trying to persuade Dante to effing kill the Twilight Series.
Posts: 5294
PostPosted: July 8, 2008 12:44 am    Post subject: My Immortal Reply with quote
I did not write this. Thank the lord. BUT STILL. Ihave to share this with everyone, so together we can grind our molars over the sheer butchery of the English language, and hopefully bring to trial this murderer of Canon.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2828044/1/My_Immortal

This is currently ranked as "The Worst Fanfic Ever Written" and is, in fact, written about Harry Potter.

Proof:

Spoiler:



Basically, the protagonist is a horrible goth Mary Sue that is the target of affection for Harry and Draco, both of whom have been transformed into a pair of bisexual goths. Harry is a vampire, btw. ;D

The characters are ridiculously out of character, to the point of making me want to cry.

I embarked on the dangerous quest to read this fanfic to see if it's as bad as the Encyclopedia Dramatica entry says it is.

Lo and behold, my brain started crying after the first wall of text in chapter 1, that described the main character Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way(also known as Ebony, Enoby and Eboby, depending on what typo the author decides to use) with such lovely words as "a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee."

The style itself is similar to that of cellphone text messages, with the ocassional chapter being written amazingly decent. Not much can be said for the author who cannot spell simple words.
Spoiler:

"Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!"



Apparently Miss Raven didn't do jack muffins helping her man with his spelling.

This story is 40 chapters of pain. Unfortunately I'm barely past 7.

With over 11,000 reviews, this storyhas claimed fame as the worst fanfic ever conceived, but don't be fooled! Most of those reviews are flames from people the author dubs "prepz and posrz."

Spoiler:

"4 da last tim 4 ne1 redding muh stroy STOP FLOMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111 if u du den u wil b a prep or a posr ok so FOK U!!!!!!1 weel neway da exomz r over lolz so im gong 2 go c shork atak 7 dep water wif fily nd kiwi 2day LOLZ!!!11 den we wil al kut lolz dso fok al u prepz!!1111111111111111111111111111111111111"



Floming?

"shork atak 7 dep water wif fily nd kiwi 2day LOLZ" WHAT IS HE TRYING TO TELL ME!?

My brain hurts.

Conversation between me and a friend (Explicit Language)I will remove this if the mods tell me to.
Spoiler:


JoJo = Friend
Strawberry Scented Elegance = Me


Strawberry scented elegance says:
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/My_Immortal did you readthis?
JoJo says:
yes
JoJo says:
no more, please....I beg you. XD
Strawberry scented elegance says:
<shoves it in your face>
JoJo says:
I read it! Leave me alone. ;_;
Strawberry scented elegance says:
EAAAAAAT IIIIT
Strawberry scented elegance says: (I'd googled "Worst Fanfic Ever" and got My Immortal)
AHAHAHAHA IT WORKS

Transfer of "8w7dc45.tmp.jpg" is complete.

JoJo says:
lol
Strawberry scented elegance says:
I.. I'm going to read it.
Strawberry scented elegance says:
Sanyu: O_O
JoJo says:
?
Strawberry scented elegance says:
ABHSCDYUUIOASDFJKASDFKLSDFJBSDFJKBSDSDF
Strawberry scented elegance says:
IT BURNS AND I BARELY STARTED
Strawberry scented elegance says:
;DNHSDFHJKLSDFGSDFJCD
Strawberry scented elegance says:
Dx!!!!
JoJo says:
X3
Strawberry scented elegance says:
"And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.
Strawberry scented elegance says:
what a wonderfully written sex scene
Strawberry scented elegance says:
So filled with passion!
Strawberry scented elegance says:
I can FEEL the amotions spilling out through the words.
Strawberry scented elegance says:
emotions*
JoJo says:
LOL
JoJo says:
Man, what a crappy sex scene.
Strawberry scented elegance says:
"“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore!"
JoJo says:
LOL
Strawberry scented elegance says:
THE PASSION. THE DRAMA. THE SUSPENSE.
JoJo says:
XD
Strawberry scented elegance says:
jeez
Strawberry scented elegance says:
"AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!"
Strawberry scented elegance says:
WE WOULDN'T FLAME YOU IF YOU'D JUST WRITE WELL.
Strawberry scented elegance says:
For the love of all things bright and holy.
Strawberry scented elegance says:
This kid is probably American, sad as it is.
JoJo says:
I would rather read "And then he starts pounding me" than that crap I just read.
Strawberry scented elegance says:
I think any decent write could come up with a better sex scene, virgin or not.
Strawberry scented elegance says:
writer*
JoJo says:
yep
Strawberry scented elegance says:
"I put on my Invisibility coke..."
Strawberry scented elegance says:
XDD
JoJo says:
You always start with foreplay in any sex scene.
Strawberry scented elegance says:
Thisispainful
Strawberry scented elegance says:
"In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top."
Strawberry scented elegance says:
That is sick.
Strawberry scented elegance says:
"“I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice.

“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.

“My name’s Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days.” he grumbled.

“Why?” I exclaimed.

“Because I love the taste of human blood.” he giggled." WHAT.. THE.. CRAP..
Strawberry scented elegance says:
THE SPELLING AND GRAMMAR GOT BETTER, BUT CANON WAS BRUTALLY MURDEREDAND BURIED UNDERTHE FLOORBOARDS
JoJo says:
Don't forget maimed and butchered into mulch.
JoJo says:
What is Harry a vampire?
JoJo says:
**Why
JoJo says:
Vampires don't exist in the world or Rowling.



Part 2)

Spoiler:


JoJo says:
STOP FLOMING!!!!!!!
JoJo says:
What? Stop foaming?
JoJo says:
Just her existing makes babies cry.
Strawberry scented elegance says:
lol
JoJo says:
[“Hi Draco!” I said in a depressed voice.]

You don't say that when you're depressed, especially with an exclamation point.
JoJo says:
If eyes can cry a river, mine would.
JoJo says:
Wait...
JoJo says:
Why is she eating kid's ceral?
Strawberry scented elegance says:
Why is she even eating cereal?
Strawberry scented elegance says:
It's a muggle food. They wouldn't have it in Hogwarts.
JoJo says:
Yeah
JoJo says:
It would probably be something that's staring at you.


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pottergirl66
Kimmy
Gryffindor Member

Joined: Mar 1, 2008
Location: Up your butt and around the corner
Posts: 5114
PostPosted: July 8, 2008 7:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
i satrted to read this and it was terreble!
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Morgan_Shay
Queen of Card Games
Slytherin Member

Joined: Jan 15, 2008
Location: Devil May Cry, trying to persuade Dante to effing kill the Twilight Series.
Posts: 5294
PostPosted: July 8, 2008 12:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
I actually gave up on chapter 7, because I realized reading this fanfic must be a great sin against God. >.<
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HPnDMFan
Muggle
Gryffindor Member

Joined: Jul 1, 2008
Posts: 40
PostPosted: July 22, 2008 9:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
all i have to say is...oh..my..god! it was so horrible >_< i laughed so hard i almost cried.. Shocked
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stillwaiting4u
First Year
Gryffindor Member

Joined: Jun 17, 2008
Location: Sorry, what was the question again?
Posts: 141
PostPosted: July 22, 2008 11:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Oh! my! God! wtf! honestly that was horrible! im like speechless! I only got to capter 7 but.... wow. that is despicable. its a discrace to potterfans all over the world. thats all i can say.







What??????? Honestly!
Quote:
AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!





I'm so confused! and since when does Voldemort speak in old english?
Spoiler:

I was so mad and sad. I couldn’t believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn’t have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn’t gothic. It was…… Voldemort!

“No!” I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted “Imperius!” and I couldn’t run away.

“Crookshanks!” I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I’m a sadist so I stopped.

“Ebony.” he yelled. “Thou must kill Vampire Potter!”

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn’t understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?

“No, Voldemort!” I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun. “No! Please!” I begged.

“Thou must!” he yelled. “If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!”

“How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.” he answered cruelly. “And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!” he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

“Draco!” I said. “Hi!”

“Hi.” he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“No.” he answered.

“I’m sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me.” I expelled.

“That’s okay.” he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.

And has anyone here had experience walking and making out at the same time? It seems pretty hard...
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Evil Love Is Stronger
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Joined: Jan 8, 2008
Location: CONSTANT-VIGILANCE Town.
Posts: 990
PostPosted: July 28, 2008 4:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
It sounds rather difficult indeed.

I would hate her for being a Satanist if it wasn't her own option (and not all Satanists burn Tombstones), but the entire fic makes me feel sad about the person. Take a look behind this absolutely disgusting typing and see a person that has merely lost hope in life. She herself has the guts to announce her life officially as depressive. I would give her a smile for that, no matter what.

Feel free to make your fun at her but keep in mind you're only making her feel worse. Pity is not better than mocking, but at least you don't make her feel even worse. Seeing at the way she's acting, she's either a complete psychopath who'll soon begin murdering people (Seeing her profile says that her dislikes consist of: "Life") or another person who's had a really hard time. So make your laugh but just give her a break. Bad spelling and butchery of some Book Series does not mean she's worthy of dying and judging from her words throughout the little that I've read she's as ready as going to.

Now, if she's just trying to freak us out, I admit she did a fantastic work on me.
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Wacky Macky
Charms Professor
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Joined: Jul 23, 2007
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PostPosted: July 28, 2008 5:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Oh. My. God.

Seriously, I don't even want to read the fanfic. I'm going to out of curiosity as soon as I get done posting this, but MY GOD. That's probably some of the worst grammar I've ever seen. My IQ decreased by a few points just from reading that. Blah, horrible.

Well, on to read the fanfic. Let's hope my head doesn't explode.
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shewhoshouldnotbenamed
Hyuuga Prodigy
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Joined: Apr 1, 2007
Location: England
Posts: 7324
PostPosted: August 6, 2008 5:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
i read it and its soooooooooooooo bad

the reviews were worth reading

btw id like to point out that theres is vampires in Harry Potter
one of them, sanguine, is at Slughorns party i think or the deathday party i cant remember which
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loony lovegood
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PostPosted: August 7, 2008 1:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
What the.....


Im speechless. That was horrible. I'd like to know what she was smoking when she wrote that lol
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sweettahsin
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Joined: Aug 31, 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
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PostPosted: August 7, 2008 2:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
wow.. this has to be one of the worst fanfic i ever read. Shocked
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MorganCain
Squib
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Joined: Aug 5, 2008
Location: Virginia, United States
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PostPosted: August 8, 2008 8:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
It was the worst I have ever read. It was horrible. Crying Sad Confused
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thcrazyauror93
Mrs. Bill Kaulitz
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PostPosted: August 23, 2008 3:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
LOL. i was ROFLMAO since i read the first part when she is describing herself and yeah, pure butchery of Harry Potter and the English language. i agree, it's really the worst fanfic i ever read and sometimes i couldnt comprehend a thing on one sentence. the worst fanfic ever made-the author should be ashamed Laughing
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XxJennxX
Chemical Slytherin
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PostPosted: August 27, 2008 11:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
I'm sorry, but can you really call this a fanfic?
I mean, it's the worst excuse for a story I've ever read and I've read crap (e.g my own fanfics lol).
I think people like that shouldn't have the luxury of using a computer, at least until they learn how to type in proper English...
I wonder if he even read the Harry Potter novels.
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Rorschach
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PostPosted: September 13, 2008 2:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote
This is the greatest fanfic ever written.
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Yasmine
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Joined: Aug 6, 2008
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PostPosted: January 3, 2009 3:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
Haha, I've just started reading this, so funny!

But it's been taken down of FF.net Sad

But you can find it here: http://myimmortalrehost.webs.com/index.htm

One of the best bits:

Spoiler:

Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks


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Albus Severus Potter 2
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PostPosted: January 5, 2009 3:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote
this is mental! Very Happy
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